This first poem came from a neat exercise in my creative writing course. The object is to write a 10-line poem (or something close to that) using a modified proverb/adage/cliché and a few of the following words: cliff, blackberry, needle, cloud, voice, mother, whir, lick, hum, sky. Being the overly ambitious person that I am, I decided to include ALL of the words just for funsies! Here is the first draft:
Mother lived with two feet in the grave
and her voice pierced like a needle
as she claimed, "there is always a cloud
in the sky."
The whir of the wind as I stand on the cliff
licks my face and I hear
a distant lullaby.
The blackberry clouds move in and I realize
Mother was right.
After finishing the initial poem, the next task was to try to cut it down as much as we could. According to our professor, one of the aspects of a good poem is that it is concise and to the point. So, here it is revised:
Mother, with two feet in the grave,
pierces like a needle when she claims
"there is always a cloud in the sky."
Standing on the cliff, the wind licks my face
as I hear a distant lullaby.
The blackberry clouds roll in and I realize
Mother was right.
(This is still a work in progress, so input would be greatly appreciated =D)
After class, I had to run to work and somehow find dinner before attempting to function during a closing shift. At the time, McDonald's seemed like the perfect choice: on the way, fast, and most of the time, pretty tasty. The bad choice was devouring an entire quarter-pounder with cheese in less than two minutes, even though I could have just eaten it at the store with no customers in sight. That decision led me to write this little poem:
GROSS
Scarfing the cheeseburger,
I feel the sick sensation of satisfaction.
It is and it isn't worth the rush.
Running to my destination,
I come to find,
The rush was all in my mind.
And here's a little haiku for when I finally decide to quit my job (not really, though lol):
I Quit
Customers resent.
This is not fulfilling me.
With haste, I leave you.
I hope you enjoyed these, and as always, let me know what you think! =)
I felt inspired by your assignment and decided to take a crack at it! I changed one word (lick to click) to work with my idea - hope you like it!
ReplyDeleteI hear a gentle hum, whir and click as the LP settles onto the turntable.
As the needle finds the first groove, a gentle voice reaches to the sky and clears the clouds.
I realize that new technology doesn’t always mean better as I throw my BlackBerry over the cliff.